I’LL HAVE A HOT CUP OF EMBARRASSMENT. MAKE IT EXTRA BITTER, PLEASE!

This is a post most of you may not be able to relate to, especially if you’re one of those always-fun-to-be-around, always-surrounded-by-happy-friends, always-having-the-time-of-your-life kind of person. But I’m sure there are quite a number of people like me out there and that they have certainly been in the type of situation I’m about to mention, at least once in their lives.

It’s that horrible moment when you are surrounded by laughing companions but you feel like the loneliest island in the deepest, most isolated waters. It’s that sinking feeling you get when you are at a crowded table and you feel so small, you could pass for Thumbelina’s younger sibling. If only you could crawl into that salt shaker and curl up there till it’s all over. Or perhaps an assassin could shoot you down quietly, with one of those uber-cool poison darts thingys. I mean, it’s not exactly like the people making merry around you would notice even if you were struck down by lightning right where you sit.

I guess those people who have it all, who have been brought up in a cocoon of happiness, who are free to do think and do as they please, who are never fazed by new faces and are eager to befriend everyone in sight, never pause to consider the feelings of the less fortunate. They have been so blinded by the rainbows that follow them around that they find it difficult to empathize with the less outgoing, more reticent people.

I speak for those socially awkward people when I say, you simply have to give us a chance to be 

comfortable with you, before judging us as timid or easily led. I am not saying I’m not capable of socializing. But I’m a piss poor conversation starter. If you’re so amazing and all that, why don’t you just try to make me feel at ease in your company instead of treating me like I’m part of the interior décor?

I do talk, and by talk, I mean blabber. A lot. But I can be myself only around those people who make me feel good in my skin. Not people who make me self-conscious, or those who act like they are above everyone else. It’s annoying when you run down to meet a friend, whom you absolutely love to spend time with, and who shows up in town only once a blue moon, and that person blows you off  for someone you don’t even know! What makes it worse is when that unsuspecting friend tries to get you all together at one table for coffee and you feel yourself starting to get more communicative with the coffee-mug than anyone else there. It’s aggravating! Absolutely maddening!

Thrust me into the company of total strangers (who are boring as hell, might I add) and act like we’ve never met. Oh! My! God! (Janice-style) Aren't you the most fantabulous friend ever!

I mean, Excuse me! But I’m not here to learn the menu by heart, while you all sit and chatter away merrily about things I can’t make head or tail of! This is all pig Latin to me. I*Yawn* Hmmm…perhaps it’s time you steered the conversation out of these boring topics that only you two can laugh  about and started treating me like I’m more than a deaf-mute marble pillar?

Private jokes at a public gathering? Hello! Could you possibly sink any lower in my esteem for you!

Please ignore that stoned-happy expression on my face. No, it’s not because I’m bored. I’m actually having fun, blowing up your stupid faces over and over again with the imaginary bazookas in my head.*Sigh* We should definitely do this more often, yáll!

If I have ever done this to anyone, I take a moment to apologize profusely. I admit it’s hard to imagine the pain the other person is going through, until you actually are the other person. If I have made you feel left out, or consider yourself as a third wheel, then, as friend, I have let you down and I am ashamed of my conduct. I know it’s not an easy slight to forgive, I’m still simmering over what I went through, but do find it in your heart to pardon me just this once. This is one mistake I will never repeat.